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Friday, June 23rd, 2006
Friday June 23 2006 3:04 pm - To a long road ahead...
Have you ever got into a train of thought that you just can't get out of, and as time passes you find that everything leads to one specific subject? I know, I know that was pretty vague.

The thing is recently, I've discovered something horrible about myself through something that happened to a friend of mine. In high school I had a ton of friends, but only a select few were my closest.

Some, I hung out with all the time, others I didn't but that didn't mean we weren't friends we just had different groups in high school. Nontheless we were best of friends, three of which I even innitiation a stupid vow that would bond us. We all have scars from it, physical not emotional. Dont be weird.

Well, as life would have it we graduated and even though we said we would meet up throughout the years, we never did. We lost touch and we became strangers to one another and had awkward encounters at other people's parties. One of the three, the most eccentric and perhaps annoying of the bunch, got a hold of me and we got to talking and I found out from him that he developed a potentially fatal disease that was latently detected and now is just waiting about...

It really hurt me to hear him tell me. I mean, how distant did we become that three-four years later, I find one of my best friends has cancer? It just doesn't make sence to me. And I got to thinking how distant I've become myself, not only with my closest friends throughout the years, but with myself personally.

I know I haven't had the most horific life, but the worst things that ever happened to me did merrit some sort of sadness or simply some tears, but I realized that after each thing that happened I would get sad for what seemed like a milisecond and then block it out of my system. I don't let myself experience any sort of sadness for any prolonged period of time. Even when the person I loved, or thought I loved, hurt me to the point of depression. I cried, but not too long. Its not that I try to grow from it and become stronger, I just let it boil up inside and not show any sort of emotion.

I don't like the fact that over the course of the past 5 or so years, I've become so emotionally absesnt and selectively sad. I've turned into such a pessemist and cynic that it just frightens me what ever caused this is the first place. Pretty selfish, don't you think. I took a friends pain and illness and created my own from it, seperate and completely devised out of my own self pitty. I'm trying not to get too melodramatic with this, because I know that I do tend to get that way. Ironically. But, its not that my exaggeratios merrit any sort of profound distraught, its pure vain self pitty. Nothing to profound.

I just don't know any more. Everything I think about now leads me to think about how I've become, and how I react to everything. And how I could potentially act towards something. How will I react to loosing a friend, a newly beloved pet, a family member, a lover? I cringe to think that I wont even shed a tear and fade into obscurity and end up a stoic sufferer with a nearly empty glass of congac and an empty soul....

Damn this is way too weird to even type. I'm going to read, that'll take my mind off of this and whatever else, at least until the pages end.

Sorry.

current mood: barren
9 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
Wednesday June 7 2006 11:13 am - Coincidence is just the universe's way of working anonymously
Ever get the feeling that throughout your life certain things happened for a reason, and although you overlook them at first, there comes the profound realization that hits you abruptly and allows you to see that all these things meant something in the long run?

I don't know what it is, but I have a tendency to connect everything together. The most random of things become one as I interweave them.  Check it, the people I met in Florence were complete strangers to me, except for a few. Two or three of them I knew from classes I had with them. When we were all on a trip waiting for a flight, I started asking them if they ever noticed how we were all connected even before we met each other. I started linking everyone together, and it seems as though everyone was meant to know each other, and was meant to go on the trip through some weird cosmic reason or another.

I was connected to A by taking a class with Band C. I'm just using alphabetical variable, its too much to spell out names. Well, okay. B and A are a couple, C and I are best of friends. D and I were at the same concert, right next to each other long before even thinking about going to Florence. D and E met in a bathroom in High School and passed glances. E and J went to High School together, where they were connected to various unknowns that knew H,  and J. H and J and K all knew the same person who told them if they knew one another, which they realized on the trip. L and M are neighbors, and L went to high school with N, who knew a lot of people from MY high school and even bought weed from them, random but whatever.

Is this proccessing? I know its confusing the hell out of me. And even more interestingly, D and I have a mutual friend who for some reason didn't piece it together that he knew either of us knew each other. Strange how things work in a web.


I'm lame. I'm just tired. I wrote a 9 page research paper in an hour and a half on monday. My brain has been fried since, I can't think straight. Sorry if this was a complete waste of time. But think about it, how many things in your life can you connect to one another even though you think that they have no relation to one another. You'd be surprised how things work. Its like a cosmic million degrees of separation game.

current mood: contemplative
2 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Monday, April 24th, 2006
Monday April 24 2006 8:45 am - I'm not dead......
Its been an awful long time sinceI wrote on here, I guess I should try to update something...

Things are as hectic as they have always been. And as usual, I've been my normal self, as crazy as that may be.

I've been all over the place this semester, and I'm starting to feel a little closterphobic with everything around me.

I recently declined an internship with Vanity Fair I was offered for the summer. It's in New York, and they don't pay..That's a bitch, I don't want to have to look for a job while I'm there working on whatever it is I need to work on.  Also, I am going to write some article for the L.A. Times, sometime soon... My italian teacher talked to someone from there about me, and apparently they found some interest in me (wtf?)...yeah, that's about it...

Nothing else, really. Just waiting for acceptance letters, or rejection, from places I've been applying to. I'm just waiting on Amherst, again. This time I will go if I get re-accepted. I've decided that if I get re-accepted to Cornell, I wont go. It's not for me, its all hype. It is a good school, I mean Ivy League, but I don't see myself there at all. If all else fails I'll be going to Berkeley or UCLA. I ruled out USC because I dont want to go there for undergrad, maybe grad....

Things are a little more calm the second time around, mainly because I know how things work and I'm not having nervous panic attacks like back in High School...this time its just transfering, its easier I guess. But I'm still anxious about where to go...that's not going to change...


okay that's all for now, I have a meeting to get to.


P.S. The Sounds are KICK ASS

current mood: anxious
on a cloud
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
Tuesday December 27 2005 7:05 pm - ¨ Look at them jugs man...they´re HUGE!!!! ¨

Yesterday my cousins took me to a strip club. Yes, I went into a strip club...with women, naked women...boobies and ass EVERYWHERE...though it might have been a sight wasted on me, I did have fun watching my cousins being guys.

My cousin Michael payed a little extra to get a private show, and boy..did he get one. They were about to get one for me but I addemently said no, and that it wasnt me for reasons that I wasnt at liberty to discuss at that moment since I was enjoying my view of Lola wrapping her legs around the pole as she smiled at me knowing I was definitely not in the right type of club.

Aside from that I´ve just been hanging around listening to Tom Waits, Bob Dylan, and Janis Joplin and some Portuguese group I discovered in Europe, Tribalistas...(I suggest you d/l Ja Sei Namorar, its pretty chill) while reading Italo Calvino´s If On A Winter´s Night A Traveler...also another reccomendation.

Tomorrow I think I´ll walk to the beach, or head to the light house and take some pics--I´ll update sometime soon when I´m bored.



current mood: giddy
2 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
Friday December 23 2005 12:38 pm - mexiCAN?...more like..mexiCANT!!!
I fled the country...that´s right, again.I am, and will be in Mexico for the next two weeks, I fly back the day before I had winter session at school.

I am such a jet setter, aren´t I? My mom said that will all the traveling I´ve been doing its amazing that my butt crack didn´t erase. Gross, but funny.

I can´t wait to start school when I get back...I saw my counselor before I left and asked what I still needed to finish, my reqs...but apparently IM DONE!!! I only need to take two classes, one of which Im already registered for, and theother I need to get clearence for, but thats it!

 I only need Statistics and English. Dont know how that´ll turn out, I haven´t had math in YEARS, but it was Stat, so..we´ll see.

I already applied for the whole transfer stuff, but I dont know if I want to re'apply to the placed I got in back in Hish School. Amherst wants me to apply for them and so does Cornell, but will I turn them down after I  get accepted again?!?! You know me...I can never make up my mind.

Okay, so I´ll write when I get the chance...


current mood: chipper
on a cloud
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
Wednesday November 30 2005 1:55 pm - And if the plane goes down...damn
I am finally back home.I got in on the 28 at 5:45, about an hour and a half late from when I was suppose to.

The school divided everyone up into two flights. One in the morning at 7:15, Italian time, and one at 10:30 am. There were only 9 people in the early one, including myself. And there were about 12 or 13 others on the later flight. Both our flights were going to be stopping at Charles De Gaull Airport where we would take the same flight back to the U.S.. Simple, it seems...but it was hell!

Our trouble started when our early flight was about to take off but then they abruptly stopped the plane because of the bad weather. We were only delayed about 45 minutes tops, but that didn't matter to me since I was dead asleep. We got to Paris an hour later than we were suppose to, but that made no difference since we were going to have to wait 5 hours for our connecting flight to LAX.

We waited for everyone else, but then we got news that their flight was delayed...by then we were already boarding the plane. the airline disregarded their lateness, and gave away their seats to other people. But then we couldn't take off because the number of people on the plane didn't match the amount of people who submitted tickets. So after an hour of being checked and everything we left, while everyone who had been delayed waited. They go there right when we were suppose to take off the first time, but we didn't and the airline didn't bother allowing them to get on since they already gave away their seats.

Turns out that they had to stay there an extra day, and that some of them had to stop in London and others in New York. I heard that most of them were crying the entire time...I could only imagine. I would have been pissed and crying, and even more so if I were to be with everyone else.

It really sucked that I did'nt get to say goodbye to everyone...my last words to them were "see you in Paris" but of course that never happened. Even the people I was on the flight with I didn't get to say good-bye to. I got my bags, and I walked to the meeting area and there was my aunt who didn't even let me wait for my friends and dragged me to the car because she was pissed that SHE had to wait so long.

Too much shit. I should be writing my transfer essays. They're due tonight, but you know me...I wait until the last minute. I think I'll use some of the same essays from High School, just change it around a little to fit with studying abroad. They got me in once, they sure as hell get me in again.


current mood: aggravated
on a cloud
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
Sunday November 27 2005 6:04 pm - An overdue good-bye
This is my last night here in Florence. I'll be getting into LAX around 4 pm, to no one waiting for me.
Sucks, doesn't it? My mom couldn't get the day off, my aunt is a bitch and only cares about herself that she hasn't even considered giving her assistance to my mom in any way the entire time I've been here, and no one else can get me.

My mom said she'll try her best to get to me on time, if she can. Kind of reminds me when I was younger and I would have practice and she said she would pick me up. I would always be the last person to get picked up from wherever. I hated it then, and its not any better now.
I just got off the phone with her here and I nearly cried.

This whole time I've been here, aside from the amazing place that it is, I've felt so alone on so many levels. Partially familiy stuff, and some other random shit that bothers me from time to time. This is a reason why I don't want to go home. If I go back, that means I have to face reality, deal with transfer shit, getting a job, going to classes...being home.

It just sucks on how out of the loop I am with things. How out of touch I am with the people I care about the most, and about the one person I loved the most. I pains me to see how easily they can move their life along, and how long it took me to stop being hurt and trying not to show it. How much it wore me down, akilling me soflty. Its not that I still harbor feeligns for them, its not anything like that.  Its just a little odd to see how much they have grown since the last tiem we were together.  Creating their second business, going global, being successful and simply living a life I fear that I might not ever have.

Too much. I need to get out of this funk. I need to enjoy my last day/night any which way I can. I still need to finish packing......


current mood: crushed
on a cloud
Monday, November 21st, 2005
Monday November 21 2005 2:18 pm - Caskets and maxed out credit cards

I am so flustered with so many feelings right now, its ridiculous. This is my last week in Italy, and I honestly don't know whether I'm glad to be leaving, or crushed that I can't stay any longer. There's a part of me that can't wait to get home, but the thing is that I haven't really missed anyone in particular. This whole time I've been here, I've told my mom I miss her, but I've been lying out the wazoo. I really don't, there has been not ONE moment where I thought to myself "hey, I miss my mom." It seems so horrible, but its the truth.

If anything, I do miss my dog. My mom says he goes into my room looking for me, and just lays on my pillows and falls asleep. When I call, she puts him on the other end of the phone, and when I say something he goes WILDE. I miss having him as an alarm clock in the morning, jumping on me to take him out for a walk at 5 in the morning. I miss my bed, I miss my pillows, I miss my room..but I don't think I've missed anyone, or at least no one that comes to mind.

Sure, I miss hanging out with my friends and doing random things, but I don't know. I'm loving it here way to much to worry about life back home. I'm so far out of the loop, its going to be really difficult once I get home. Oh, and my mother told me the other day I called that when I get home, I shouldn't unpack because she's sending me to see my sister in San Francisco for a week. Then towards the 15 we're going off to the coast of Mexico, and Baja, Acapulco and Cabo. WTF!?!?! NO MORE FUCKING PLANES!

But it will be cool to see her again, she's pregnant again. I didn't really see her pregnant last time she was, so this is going to be funny. Especially since I'm going to make so much fun of her for gaining weight since she was really skinny last time I saw her before I left. And I can't wait to see my nephew Sander, he's so adoreable.

Even with all of that, I still don't want to leave!! Its Christmas here already! The lights are going up, trees are being decorated and its going to snow this coming Thursday. SNOW, in ITALY!And in one of the squares in front of a church, they put up an ice skaiting rink. How awesome would that be?!

But, I know it has to end. Disite the fact that I love it here, it is time to go back home. Besides, to be honest I think all of us need a break from one another before we kill each other. I don't not like the people I've met here, but its just that sometimes we all get a little insane, including myself, and any more and our parents will be receiving caskets  and maxed out credit cards.



current mood: drained
1 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
Wednesday November 16 2005 10:21 am - Spiritus Sanctum......Amen
  Come to the city of the holy faithCollapse )
on a cloud
Thursday, November 10th, 2005
Thursday November 10 2005 6:09 pm
Hopefully, they'll work this time.
It's weird that they haven't been working before.
Papparazzi!!Collapse )

current mood: cold
1 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
Wednesday November 9 2005 1:01 pm - "If you weren't there...you'd be here"
I can't believe I'll be going home within the next month.
I feel like I jsut got to my apartment, and started to unpack, and now I have to get all my shit together and pack to go home, stay for a week or two then I'm off for a Christmas break with the family...far too much traveling going on, I might as well live at the airports and trainstations I go to. I'm hardly ever home now.

This weekend is Rome. I'm excited, but then again there's a lot of stupd shit going on right now that I'd rather not have to deal with, and being in Rome will probably make things a little worse. Then next week is Venice...yay, more canals. As if I didn't get enough of canals in Amsterdam....

On top of stupid drama, I'm doing the whole transfer shit, which is a pain in the ass! I'm re-applying the places I already got accepted to back in High School, and some new schools. I just home I don't have another breakdown like I did in High School...but then again, I know the process now, and its going rather smoothly.

This whole trip has just been one long drunken party with small intervals of sleep and school. Its AWESOME!!!
There's just one small thing on my list of things to do before I leave that I need to cross off, but it's been a little bit hard since ...well, I'd rather not get into details. There've been chances..but, being my usual self, I let them slip.

Vague enough for you?
Some Excursion PicturesCollapse )


current mood: chipper
7 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Monday, October 31st, 2005
Monday October 31 2005 6:22 pm - "NERDGASM!!!"
I like Ireland. Dublin was awesome, with the exception of a bit of drama at the begining of the trip, it was amazing. Especially towards the end, like on the last day I was there.

Temple bar was really awesome, it was fun seeing everyone drunk at  night. Hell, it was fun seeing people drunk in the middle of the day! Oh, those Irish. It was funny, before leaving I went to my roomate and ask the MOST stupidest question: "Hey...what do they speak in Ireland?"

Yeah...stupid. But when I got there, my question made more sense. It was hard understanding their accents, as attractive as they were (for the most part). Gaelic was a bitch...it was literally drunk rambling, but it was cool.

 Anywho, I wandered about the city. I went to Merrion Square and visited my ol' pal Oscar Wilde.
I took pictures of his statue, in which he is appropriately lounging on a rock. Very gay, but then again..that's Oscar for ya'. After, I walked around St. Stephen's green and saw some churches like St. Patrick's Cathedral...which isn't catholic anymore, its Protestant...I saw the Guiness brewery, and went to the old Jameson Distillery ( I Like Whiskey)

Then I went over to the writers museum. I literally had a nerdgasm. I walked in, took the tour and was astonished by some of my favourite writers. Shaw, Shelly, Joyce!!! Oh the shame. I felt like a nerd being so amazed by it all, but I love Joyce and the rest.Then I went over to Trinity College and took a tour. God, it was amazing! It's so big and historic and...GREEN!!!!!!

Today is Halloween. Im so excited. Its my favourite holiday. I have no definite costume, but I did buy a feathery mask and a whip & feather combo...so i'll see what I can create. AND, AND, AND..Tomorrow is my birtday. I don't think I have ever been this excited for my birthday. EVER. I hate my birthday, but this time...I dont.

All right, well I need to get going. i need to get things ready and finish uploading pics. Cheers.


current mood: excited
6 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
Sunday October 23 2005 1:02 pm - "Dude...the moon is drunk!"
I don't know wether I had fun in Amsterdam or not. Most of it is pretty much a blur.
I mean, the city was amazing. I saw a lot of awesome things, but...I just can't really judge wether or not it was as fun as I thought.
Confusing, no?

Of course I smoked. First time, too. I nearly died, I could feel and hear my heartbeat, and I was all dizzy and shhh-tuff.
Apparently, I spoiled myself. I had top-o-the-line stuff. The one I bought personally was called Kalimist, but then I had some Sage and then White Widow and some other stuff I can't  really remember their names.

If you're one of those disappointed in me for smoking, too fucking bad.

On my way to the airport from Amsterdam I decided to take a train, instead of paying for a taxi, and well...I got on the wrong fuckign train. I did go South, which was where I was going, but I went to the wrong South...Yeah.

Anywho, after Amsterdam I went to Portugal. A-FREAKING-MAZING! I love Portogal.Then I went to Spain, which was an interesting, but LONG, ride through the north-west coast. On my way back I got trapped in customs in Pisa, which was a pain in the ass! They searched my entire luggage and took everything out, and found what? NOTHING! Fuckers.

Now I'm back...for now. Tired...gotta upload pictures.


Random quotes:
"Woah, dude...the moon looks drunk!"
"Chicken..or weed? Chicko-weed! mmm...chocoweed!"
" My kechup makes it colder....."



current mood: chipper
4 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
Tuesday October 11 2005 1:42 pm
I have a break next week. No school for an entire week.
I'll be going to Paris-first, then I'll be back to Pisa where I will catch a plane to Amsterdam.
Then I'll leave for Portugal/ Spain, and see where my roots are.
       My family ancestry derives from two main parts of that area. One: Valencia; Two: Santiago De Compostela. That's on the northern region between Spain and Portugal. During the Crusades, this was one of the major pilgramage spots, its was known as the second Jerusalem. But enough about the history lesson.

I come back, and I'll take a short tour of Northern Italy with my friend Jen. Afterwards, I have a week of classes and then I go to Ireland for my birthday. Well not exactly, I go there the 27, and come back the 30th. Which is before my birthday, the 1st of November. I really wanted to stay in Ireland for Halloween, but it would have been 100 Euro more, and missing class on Monday. None of which I was willing to do.

I think that's all for now. Not my usual long post, but important nontheless. Im sure.
Okay, well....CIAO.
  


current mood: nostalgic
3 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
Thursday September 29 2005 9:09 am - Snap a shot...take a shot
Apparently, some of the pictures didn't show...so I'm reposting them.
Florence PitcturesCollapse )


current mood: Florence, bitches.
1 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Monday, September 12th, 2005
Monday September 12 2005 8:27 am - Hi, I'm Rickie and I'm an alcoholic

So a week has gone by and already enough has happened for me to write an entire book on.
I'll spare the entire details and try to do a brief synopsis of the past week.

Monday: We arrived, tired as fuck. We just unpacked and fell asleep.

Tuesday: We had a walking tour of the city in the morning. Walked around the major parts like La Piazza Della Republica and around Il Duomo, and all that fun touristic stuff. We went to the market at the Piazza near San Lorenzo and had some panini, I saw the most awesomest clothes there too. Passing by Deisel, Gucci, and some local stores like Killer Loop and The End.
               Tuesday night we went out, so to prepare we had dinner at our friend's apartment, and some drinks. I had about 3 coke cans worths of pure Vodka, in two shots pretty much. Then we went over to our other friend's apartment and had some more vodka. Most of which I finished by myself in a few shots as well.
               We went over to this one place called The Fish Pub where we got free shots with our flyers, and aside from that I bought and had 7 more shots of the same drink. By the time we left that place I could barely walk, but I managed to get over to another place called The Jazz club which was empty, but I didn't really care since I was in the bathroom puking. After that We walked back to The Fish Pub, where on my way I puked some more,YAY! By the time we got there I had been totally gone, so I hailed a taxi and made my way home around 3 in the a.m.

Wednesday: Waking up very refreshed, and made my way to school. Went out to dinner and went back home. Got a cell phone, and called my mom to let her know I was fine.

Thursday: We went out again, hardcore. I didn't have too much to drink, but my friend did. We ended up calling an ambulance, not my idea, and taking him to the hospital. He was fine, but he was beeing a pansy.
                 I met a bunch of cool locals, one of which was Alessandro. he studied at UCLA and the went to Spain and studied Spanish, and was now back in Florence. We talked a long time, exchanged info and said our goodbyes. More to say, but I'd rather not.

Friday: Saturday:Sunday: Went out again, stayed out until 7 am Saturday, got home showered, went back shopped...went out at 9, got home and went out again that same night. Got home on Sunday at 6, and then I stayed home did laundry and now i'm writing this and late to class....

CIAO

4 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Thursday, September 1st, 2005
Thursday September 1 2005 12:04 pm - A tsunami of emotions
I'm so excited, I got my column for the school newspaper!I am, officially, a foreign correspondent for the Courier while I am in Europe. How awesome!

In related news, I leave this Sunday. It has come, finally. Its a little weird, I didn't think I'd go...I mean a few months ago a friend and I went to the meeting to kill time, and now we're both going. The flight leaves at 6:30p.m. Sunday and I arrive in Paris at 10:30-11:00 a.m. Monday, then we wait until 4:00p.m. and take another flight to Florence, and arrive around 7:00p.m. That's 24 hours, more or less....far too much time in and around planes.

I feel so under prepared, I feel like I'm not packing enough. Clothing is one thing, what I mean is everything else. I don't want to pack too much, cause I can get things there. We'll see how things turn out, I have a really heavy load while I'm there; 5 classes and the newspaper....what have I gotten in to?

Oh, and I've convinced my mom to get me a cell phone to use there. I was going to take mine and convert everything needed to be able to work in Europe, but she wont have it. So I've convinced her in letting me rent a cell phone and use it there to call home, blah blah blah.

I'm excited, and anxious. I've been there before, but its different now. I'll be turning 19 there, holy shit...I'm getting all these emotions rolled into one and its making me feel sick.

I'll be writing here periodically, not that anyone actually reads my crap. I'll post pictures and write about how much fun I'm having and you're not.

Jealous much?


current mood: inconceivable
4 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Monday, August 29th, 2005
Monday August 29 2005 8:02 am - Date my mom

Last week, my ol' mum and I were in the kitchen discussing random things like we always do and she mentioned she had been seeing some guy for the past few weeks. Shocker.

She said it wasn't anything serious, at least not for her. But...I could say otherwise. She  tries to make as though its not anything real serious, and that its just some little fling, and the fact that he's younger than her kind of sets her back a little. Yes, my mom is seeing a younger man. Not TOO shocking, considering my dad was 4 years younger than her when they met, but this guys is in the double digits younger than her. Freaky.

Anywho, she's been in a kick as to how wonderful he makes her feel. Like a young school girl again, but she doesn't want to admit that its a full blown relationship. Dumb.

BUT, recently, he suddenly went away for a couple of days because of some supposed family emergency and made the mistake of not calling my mom. Bad move buster; she got extremely upset and was saying how its SO over [and people thought I was a drama queen].

Ity weird, I've been talking to her and trying to calm her down and giving her advice, but its weird I cant see my mom as a friend, I can barely stand her as a mother sometimes. But she asked me how I knew so much, and I told her "from experience" and she flipped, but I said "kidding...hah-hah..."

Kind of weird that we're getting closer now though, i think it'll be easy for when I drop that major bomb on her.

Well, I must be getting off now. I have a meeting soon and I still need to get to the book store and pick of a copy of The Decameron.



current mood: anxious
on a cloud
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
Wednesday August 24 2005 12:59 pm - Bella Luna my beautiful beautiful moon, how you swoon me like no other

I leave next week, and I'm scared. True, i've been to Europe before and all, but I was 12/13 and I didn't really get to experience Europe in its entirety. But, I'm much older now, so i'll see much MUCH more. Oh, I turn 19 there. That's so awesome, I've planned to go to the French Riviera and look down at gawdy tourist for being so touristy, and laugh in a quasi-french accent, while eating a croisant.

I have yet to start packing, which worries me more. Three months worth of clothing is too much to take, and besides the wont let me. They told me to lay out everything I was to take, andput away half of it, then pack it and carry it around the block and if I get tired to repeat step one.


I had a crazy dream about  the plane trip. Being the neurotic, paranoid freak that I am I dreamt that there was a killer on the plane and each time someone would go to the bathroom they would mysteriously disappear, and when I'd go look for them the attendants would say that person was never on board the plane. I went crazy after that and started looking for them only to find pieces of their mutilated bodies throught the plane. By the time I found out who the killer was--the pilot, it was too late he had flown the coop and the plane was without a pilot and headeed straight for the artic sea at full force.

I woke up before we crashed, freaked out and nervouse. I told my mom and she shut me up before I finished cause I was freaking her out. Its funny that I sort of mixed a whole bunch of movies into one crazy tripped out nightmare. I really need to stop being me.

Later for now, I'll write before I leave and periodically post pictures....not that anyone would see it.



current mood: nervous
5 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
Wednesday August 3 2005 11:05 am - C'est la vie
Ever get stuck in a random depressive rut? It sucks, majorly.

The other day I was just in bed falling asleep and I started thinking about my trip, and then I realized that a very good friend of mine mentioned he would be moving soon. It hit me, we rarely see each other now and we're virtually walking distance from one another's houses. Our schedules are so out of whack that we can't make time to see each other, and well having him move only makes things more impossible, and that made me really sad.

This year alone, I've seen him twice. I just don't know what'll happen if and when he moves. Not to get too emotional with this, but he's far too important in my life for me to lose him. Although we rarely see each other we do gab on the phone, but recently it hasn't been that way since he's working on his medical degree, so he has even less time to do things.

Funny how things like this work. Aside from that, I was watching The Real World-Austin and it was the episode where one of the guy's mom dies, and they showed everything that happened and some clips of the next episode, and his moms death apparently is jeopardizing his chances of coming back on the show, since he leaves, and in turn his relationship with one of his cast mates whithers away.

Anywho...that reminded me of my "relationship" with someone and how after their best friend died, our relationship just dissipated into nothingness. I felt bad, of course, but I don't know how to handle death I've never experienced it so close and emotionally I guess I was there and things fell apart {aside from other stuff that CONVENIENTLY occurred at the same time that did}.  Enough for now.

C'est la vie.


current mood: emotionally withdrawn
2 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Friday, July 22nd, 2005
Friday July 22 2005 9:35 am - Mamma mia that's a spicy meatball!!
I can't believe I'll be leaving for Italy, for three months mind you, in 5 weeks!! Holy rigatoni!

I told my mom that and she got all freaked, she didn't want to think about it. I wonder what she'll do when I finally escape that prison and move out?

I have yet to find out who I will be sharing my apartment with there, we get to chose, but non of the participants have even met one another except for a couple of people. But they're mixed sexes so rooming together would be a big no-no.

My Italian teacher, during this summer, gave us ( the few of us going on the trip who are in the class) her friend's number in Florence where she'll be staying until she returns back to the states to teach at UCLA. She wants to take us out, get us drunk, dance on top of table...THE ITALIAN WAY. She's awesome.

I'm stoked, but the funny thing is I'm more worried about what the hell I'm going to take!? 3 months, that's nearly all my wardrobe, but I can't take it all. Dare I think about it?........ I might have to repeat wearing something. Ah, mamma mia!

Okay, well...I'll update more stuff later, I got to get going, I have my to take my italian final.


current mood: anxious
12 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
Wednesday July 13 2005 7:35 am - "SWM seeks SWF to share romantic walks on the beach and screw over for an even hotter person"
I don't know why, but I was reading the personal ads in the newspaper the other day. Its not like I'm looking for someone in there to hook up with or anything like that, I just like reading what people wrote, and why they would subject themselves to something like this.

Say someone reads an ad, likes it, calls that person and/or responds to them. They get along at first, finding puppy love, or lust. Fast forward to six months, the guy is a sociopath and she finds herself tied to her neighbor Anne in the basement of their house after a suggested manage-trois[i hope i spelled that right] goes awry and he chops both them up into tiny pieces and stuffs them into the drywall.

I have a sick twisted sense of humor sometimes, I really need to get out more.

Anyhow, aside from that, I feel sick. I feel hot. My hair is a mess, and I have a class in 15 minutes.

current mood: amused
2 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
Tuesday July 5 2005 8:54 am - Stupid Double Negatives.

I've come to the conclusion that things have a way of never working out for me.

This whole study abroad thing I'm doing is turning into such a pain in the ass. I sent all my information and deposits but somehow, they haven't received it.  Stupid Postal Service, what good you are?

My stuff was due the 18 of June, I sent it the 13. Just enough time, on average it takes no more that 3-5 days, therefore they should have received it. BUT NO, the stupid post office sent it the 20th. THE 20th!!

Now, the company that we're doing the study abroad thing with is telling me that I'm off the flight list for the trip, and they can't process anything without my information. I can go, but i'll have to get my own flight, but how can I go if they have none of my iformation or payments?!

Stupid stupid stupid. My money and information is stuck somewhere in postal limbo, and I've gone to the post office asking what the hell happened, but all they say is "we delivered it the 20th."

I am so going postal on their asses if it doesn't turn up. I don't want to not go [Stupid double negatives]. This is shitty.

I need........



current mood: aggravated
9 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
Friday, June 24th, 2005
Friday June 24 2005 9:04 am - Holy onomatopoetic words, Batman!

Nothing is really that new in these neck of the woods. Just school.

I was walking up to my door the other week and realized that it was the 17 of June, and although for most of you that means nothing, but for me exactly one year ago on that day I had graduated from High School. 

It's weird, my freshman year is over, pretty much. I'm not upset at my decisions anymore. I know I let a lot good things pass me by not going to any of the schools that actually wanted me, but things happen for a reason and I know that things will turn out okay.

Oh, and that was probably the first time I was ever optimistic. Ever.

Its amazing how much I've actually changed throughout this past year. I've matured, and yet I've maintained my childish naivety. My writing has improved, I think.

Reading my essays from High School and comparing them to the ones I've written now, I can see a very big difference. I'm starting to make more sense, and it actually seems like I know what I'm talking about and in depth.

Holy onomatopoetic words, Batman! Could it be, I actually got smarter!? Probably not.

I think that's enough of a post, I have some stuff to finish before my class starts in like an hour.




current mood: happy
on a cloud
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
Thursday June 16 2005 7:13 am - "Feel the burn, if it doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong!!!"

My legs are shot, shaking, and aching. My ass is sore, my abs are killing me, and my arms are tired. Why? No, it's not anything perverted, or remotely close to that.

I took up a cycling class [go ahead, laugh all you want], and it's pretty extreme. My instructor is cycling lunatic. He'll scream at you for not doing it right, and abuse you verbally. I think its really motivating. He hasn't really been that hard on me, yet.

I miss this feeling. Pain. No, I'm no masochist, it's just that the pain in my legs remind me of when I was in track. Running up and down the ampitheatre rows, doing sprints, lunges, weights.

I miss that, and I was so much more in shape than I am now. Oh, and tennis. Damn, that was extreme. You'd think that it's not as painful as something else, like track, but having the coach I did made it excruciatingly painful.

I mean, wouldn't you be after 5 hours of non-stop jogging, sprinting, lunges, skill training, and all that ball whacking madness.

At least I'll be getting back in shape from all that weight I put on, and lost, and put on again. The only bad side: sweating. I hate the fact the I sweat so much, like a whore in church. But, oddly enough I don't smell. Hmmm.


Damn, it hurts to breathe...I LOVE IT!!!



current mood: numb
3 floats awayfloat away on a cloud
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